


The Fear Of Losing (You)

by ernyx



Series: Romanogers fics (for ease of finding) [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Nightmares, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 12:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernyx/pseuds/ernyx
Summary: Good intentions are sometimes met with a threat of a bullet to the chest. For obvious reasons, an attempt at these good intentions are not repeated.(She comes to him anyway.)





	The Fear Of Losing (You)

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from tumblr @artificiallyimplantedmemories // feel free to send prompts for me here or there
> 
> prompt from sxmbol: meme: fifty ways to kiss someone; result: …in relief.

     She wakes in a rush, unaccustomed to not being fully alert in the company of another person. The hand on her arm is what brings her out of the grips of her nightmare (likely silent, as that was thoroughly trained into her at a young age for the sake of not being discovered on a mission), and she smacks it away, drawing her gun reflexively. It’s only when the barrel is against Steve’s chest and his hands are in the air in a universal gesture of surrender that she breathes out, laying it back down under her pillow.

     “Sorry,” she murmurs, shaking her head, like she had stepped on his toe rather than nearly threatened to kill him. He just nods in understanding.

     It follows, then, that he generally  _doesn’t_  try to approach her when she’s sleeping again. Half the time, she wakes upon his entry into the room– though being on the run means that the room is shared between them, and sometimes with others who had fought on their side– and at least a quarter of the time, she reaches for her gun anyway, even though she doesn’t point it at him again.

     Months go by like this, on a knife’s edge. They stick close. They trust each other with everything. Steve watches helplessly as Natasha struggles to surface from one nightmare after another, and Natasha curls around him protectively as he does the same. She pets his hair through the worst of them, he closes the door a little harder than usual to try to bring her out of the ones that drag her under and keep her there.

     Sometimes they talk about the memories that spur these dreams. Some are accurate, and their lives are filled with enough horror that those recollections don’t need to be twisted any further to be truly terrifying. Other times it’s  _could haves_  and  _should haves_  tangled up in the subconscious. It’s their mutual fear of losing people, or not being able to protect those that they’ve deemed worth their all.

     Almost exactly five months after the first time Steve wakes Nat from a nightmare, she gasps awake and flings herself towards him. He instinctively gets ready to defend himself just in case, because she’s half asleep and clearly distraught, but instead of being met with fists or bullets, she plants a heartbreakingly desperate kiss on his lips. He barely has time to react.

     She knows better than to linger, even in this state, and pulls away, arms wrapping around herself like a defensive child, but he tugs her back into an embrace, willing himself to stay silent despite the thousands of questions on the tip of his tongue. Patience triumphs, and eventually she cracks.

     “I dreamt that you died,” she murmurs at long last. “I dreamt that I couldn’t save you and you disappeared into smoke, all without me getting to–” Her gaze flicks up to his face, and a wry smile breaks out on hers, resignation battling with disgust at her own weakness. “Well, you can hazard a guess, I’m sure. Any chance you’d be willing to crawl back into bed with me? It’s cold in there alone and I could use a superhuman radiator.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Feedback? I'd love to hear it! Drop me a line either here or on my tumblr!


End file.
